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Daughter of Stars and Stones - Part 5

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The Support of a Friend

Kíliel watched stunned, unable to react and comprehend. Even as Tauriel laid her arms around her, Kíliel kept her eyes on Éira and the child she rocked in her embrace. Tears streamed down the face of the mother, and yet the little one did not move or make a sound.

Kíliel felt coldness spread throughout her, but it was different from the cold of a wind or of snow; this coldness came from within herself. She felt the chill move up her spine, causing all the hair on her arms to stand up and yet she could not look away. After a while Éira fell silent, still rocking her cold child in her arms.

Tauriel held on to her own daughter in the same way, her arms warm and soft, though still as hard as stone, with no way of getting free. Kíliel wanted to get free; she wanted to see the child up close, to understand what had happened. But she understood that her mother needed her to stay quiet and still now, for as much her mother's support as her own.

She could not say for certain how long they all stood like that, for time moved differently, if it moved at all. For all Kíliel knew they could've all been frozen in time. Her thoughts had no leash as they bounced back and forth within her head, and yet she could not think. She wondered if this was what death felt like, to be cold and unmovable and yet crave to be alive. Maybe the babe was crying silently, yet they could not hear for her body would not allow it. She simply looked peaceful, pale and painless.

Finally Tauriel released the hold she had on her daughter. She sat down in front of Kíliel and whispered as she held her hands tight: «We should leave her to grieve her loss,» She placed a hand on each of her daughter's cheeks and looked at Kíliel with such sadness and yet such great love as was always to be found in her eyes.

«She is dead,» Kíliel muttered and tears welled up in her eyes as she finally managed to comprehend it all. Tauriel nodded and hugged her again, then kissed her forehead. She took her hand and opened the door to silently leave the room. They had to deliver the impossible message to the child's father and brother, both still waiting for word outside with Kíli.

When they stepped into the neighbouring chamber, Tauriel's eyes were restless as she did not know exactly what to say or how to meet Dárin's pleading eyes. For a moment she held his gaze, and as he swallowed, waiting for her to say anything, Tauriel looked away. The message was clear in the horrified expression on the dwarf's face. His mouth fell open and he staggered a bit before he pushed his way past them and into the room where his wife stood with their child still in her arms.

Kíliel closed her eyes as she heard his cry of utter despair and pain, and she felt new tears trace her cheeks all the way down to her chin. Never in her life had she heard a grown dwarf cry, and the sound was heartbreaking. She swallowed and opened her eyes again, to meet the eyes of Thekk.

He stood completely still. His lips and jaw moving as he gnawed the inside of his cheek nervously. His eyes were wide and alert while he heaved for breath. Kíliel wondered if he understood what had happened. Suddenly it felt like it was her responsibility to tell him, and she took a step towards him, and slightly raised her arms. However, he did not react as she had thought. His eyes blazed with sudden fire as they filled with tears and he staggered backwards, away from her. He then turned and ran for the door before she was able to stop him. She turned quickly to her parents to ask what she should do, but they stood embracing, Tauriel clinging to Kíli for support, and Kíliel did not have the time to wait for their advice. She turned and ran after Thekk.

She lost him of course. He was taller than her and with longer legs he ran much faster than she could, despite him being seven years younger than her. She ended up pacing the mountain, asking if anyone had seen the young prince walking around, as that was what people called him. She still did not like to think of him in that way, but at this moment there were more important things to worry about.

Kíliel still thought some of the responsibility was hers in comforting him of his pain, even if the reason remained a mystery to her. She simply felt it in her heart that she needed him to talk to her about it.

So she kept walking around, checking all the places she thought he might be; the dining halls, the training areas, the market halls, and finally she came down to the forges, even though she did not think that it was a place he would be. She had never heard him say anything about forging or having an interest in it. But how much did she know about him in the first place?

It was therefore a big surprise to her when she asked about him and she was directed to the further west end of the forge, where the smaller fires and forging pits had been installed so the young could learn in a safer environment than the greater forges further up the hall. There she found him, standing over the fires as he heated a lump of metal and then proceeded to beat at it with a hammer with such force she did not know he possessed.

«Thekk! Are you alright? I'm so glad I found you!» She blurted out, louder than intended. Thekk jumped startled as the tongs he was holding the lump of metal with slipped and the glowing metal fell off the anvil and hit the floor by his feet.

«Maiklif naith!» He exclaimed loudly, but he did not turn to her. She saw light glimmer in the tears in his eyes, and she suspected that was what he did not want to show her. He bent down and carefully lifted the metal in the clasp of the tong and placed it on the anvil again, and then laid down the tong next to it.

«I am sorry, I did not mean to startle you,» Kíliel took a step backwards and played with the fabric of her tunic as she held her hands on her back, looking down shyly.

«What are ya' doing here, Kíliel?» He still did not look at her, and his voice was hard as he spoke. She recognised a faint shiver, though she was not happy for it. His pain was obvious and she simply wanted him to share it with her.

«I was looking for you,» she began. His expression turned suddenly sour, so she continued a bit less confident: «I… only thought I'd see if you wanted to speak of it…,» she bit her lip as she spoke, «…with me. I understand how you must be feeling, and I…»

«What exactly is it that cha' think you understand?» Thekk suddenly turned to her, his eyes hard and she recognised a hint of pain in them as well. She didn't know what to answer. His expression unsettled her as he was more angry than she had ever seen him.

«I do not know, I only thought…»

«You thought you knew me and my pain, coming to 'comfort me', were you?» He took a step closer to her, and lifted his locked fist menacingly. Kíliel looked him up and down, her eyes growing big with her insecurity. Would he hit her? She knew how strong he was…

«No, I…» She tried to ease him, but he cut her off again.

«Because you know nothing!» He yelled suddenly, and tears began streaming down his face. Kíliel noticed that they had gotten an audience in the dwarves working around them, and it was a small comfort amidst her fear that they might stop him if he lost control and went for her.

«Did cha' know that I lost my brother? Seven years ago it happened, just like now,» Thekk talked quickly with a sharp tongue, and his snivelling was worse because of the tears streaming down his face. «He was quick and strong for a two year old, but that didn't mean anythin' when the fever came…»

Thekk grew silent while he lowered his head and covered his face with his hand for a second. He cleared his throat and straightened again. He had a new look on his face, hard and stubborn while he pursed his lips and looked at Kíliel with narrow eyes.

«Have you ever seen your mother become so depressed she doesn't eat for a month? Have you watched your father grow cold and distant, simply a ghost of the dwarf you look up to?» Thekk took another step towards her, raising his finger. He was close now, and he roughly jabbed his finger into her shoulder.

Kíliel took another step away from him, but she couldn't take her eyes off him. They were wide with stunned shock. She had no idea about his other brother, and she felt so stupid. No wonder she could not understand him. He may be seven years younger than her, but he was no child, not like her. She was so naive. What had she imagined? That he would need her? How wrong she was, like always.

«I didn't know… I didn't mean to…,» she barely whispered, and her lower lip began quivering as she bit her inner cheek. «I'm sorry,» she continued, and felt a tear leave her eye.

«No!» Thekk took a step away from her and straightened his arm towards her. «You have nothing to cry about!» He looked at her, his eyes wide and furious. «It is not you who must watch your parents go through the same process, while you have to stay strong because they all look to you for support! 'Thekk is so strong, Thekk is so mature, the future king',» he mocked angrily as he ended in a mutter, and lowered his head.

Kíliel felt a sting at his words, 'the future king'… She knew it was not the right time to be angry about it, not with everything he was going through, but she could not help it.

«Why don't you just leave then, if you don't want to be king?» She murmured with a hope it might be so easy. If he did not want to be king, surely they could just turn away and go home to Ered Luin. She felt another sting at the thought, but she could not explain it. However much she wished he would just go, she did not want him to leave.

Thekk looked at her then, his expression hard, his eyes big and angry. «Did you think I wanted this? Coming here and being the ass whom takes the throne without any claim to it?» He spoke low, his voice hissing as a new tear released from his eye. «Like you, I had no choice! You stupid girl… I would gladly have stayed home had it prevented the death of… of Thári.» He heaved for breath as he spoke, his voice hoarse. «I wish we had never come here. This is all your fault!» He screamed at her and turned away, hiding his face in his hands, while his shoulders began to shake slightly.

«Had you only been a true dwarf…» he muttered into his hand, but Kíliel heard. She blinked, frozen in shock that he would say it, yet again, after all that had happened between them. Had she been a true dwarf she could rule alone, then he and his family would not have been forced to come to Erebor, then his sister might not have died.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she took deep breaths, considering it all. He was in shock, sad and angry and she swallowed her pain, brushing his words off as simply a reaction to it all. She did not believe that he blamed her; if she was a dwarf or not, if she was guilty or not.

Kíliel looked at him, her brows creased. She was not sure about what she should do, if she should only leave or if she should try to comfort him, even if he had made it clear that he did not want her comfort. She stepped closer to him, and as she stood beside him she laid a hand on his shoulder carefully.

Thekk slapped it away immediately and took another step away from her. «I do not need your pity!» His words were angry, yet his eyes were filled with a burning fury as tears continued to stream down his face, even as he wiped them away repeatedly. «Do not think you know how I feel, princess, you know nothing of the world!»

Kíliel flinched, both for his painful words and for the nickname. It was the same Aín used and she recognised the same hatred and condescension as when he used it. She tried telling herself it was only his emotions speaking, but it was not easy keeping up the strong mask. She pressed her lips together, but she could not raise her eyes, she could not meet his gaze.

«Okay, I will go.» She finally said and turned away. She would not stay if he would only continue insulting her. She couldn't take it much longer.

«Please don't,» Thekk suddenly grasped her hand. It was only a whisper, an impossible change from his previous hatred towards her, but she turned back to him instantly. His eyes were so full of agony, and where there had been anger before, now was only despair. She had never in her life seen someone looking the way he did, and it scared her as well as worried her.

«I don't know why I said those things. I just…,» he began, his voice suddenly so pleading it broke Kíliel's heart. «I did not think… I hopedShe was not supposed to die; not her!» Suddenly he broke, he fell backwards and ended with his back towards the brick wall of the forge. He sat there with his arms embracing himself, heaving for breath as he sobbed loudly.

Kíliel stood looking at him, and then threw a gaze around the hall, noticing that they were suddenly alone in the forge. The other dwarves must have understood that it was a private conversation and left without them noticing. She returned her gaze to him, and with a sigh she walked to him, and sat down beside him. She did not care that he did not want her comfort, but she would be here if he needed to yell at her some more.

As she sat down, he surprised her further with pressing his head towards her shoulder and while he continued sobbing she placed her arms around him, her hand on his head as she held him tight while he cried. It was a strange thing, as she had never comforted anyone before in her life, yet it did not feel weird or wrong.

Kíliel leaned her face against his wild hair, smelling his sweet scent, a mixture of dirt and sweat and something else she could not put her finger on. But it made her heart race. She sighed and leaned her cheek against his head, as she continued holding him tight.

Thekk sobbed for a long while, though she could not know for certain how long it was, as her brain was racing every second of it to understand what was to understand of the strange boy, with little luck.

Eventually he calmed down, and his breath came easier as his shoulders stopped shaking, though he didn't move. So she kept her arms around him as she waited for something to happen. She would not be the first to speak, and if he would not say anything they would sit like this forever, and she was fine with that. That, too, surprised her.

«Why do you do this?» He finally murmured against her shoulder, and Kíliel felt her heart skip a beat, unsure exactly of what he meant, before he continued: «Why are you so kind to me?»

Kíliel blinked a few times, trying to make sense of her thoughts to reply something clever, but she found nothing, so she shrugged; «Well, I did punch you once, so I owe you,» and she felt his grin against her shoulder, which lightened her spirit as well. Then she grew serious again and sighed.

«I like you, Thekk,» she simply said, and it came as just as big of a shock to her as to him. But it was the truth; she did like him, and that was why she had stayed even after all his yelling. «You are the only friend I've ever had.» That was also the truth.

«I like you too, even if it is the strangest friendship I've ever had,» he answered after a minute, and even as she could not see his face, she thought his voice had the sound of relief to it. When he then raised his head and looked at her with blood-shot eyes of all the crying, his mouth was curled in a sad smile. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, and lay down against her shoulder again.

She bit he lip as she tried to hide her growing smile.

«Thank you for staying with me.» He said, his voice had the sad accent again, and she felt her heart sink in her chest, remember all that had happened that day. «I'm sorry for all that I said,» he said lastly.

«Don't be sorry. I'm here if you ever need to yell some more,» she teased and caressed his cheek. At that Thekk placed both his arms around her and held her tight, and Kíliel felt his desperation through his touch, feeling his sadness and need for company. «What are friends for?»

It was late, and yet the swooshing of arrow after arrow flying through the air could be heard throughout the royal halls. Sweat trailed down her forehead while she continued stringing up the bow and firing, hitting first a round target, then a straw-man standing on the other end of the arena, then one of the ceiling plate-targets swinging back and forth. All the targets had several arrows deeply imbedded in them already.

Tauriel stopped, and her hand tightened the grip of the bow she held, feeling it all rushing through her. It was mere hours since she had felt the spirit of the child leave this world, and it was her fault. She screamed in frustration and swiftly and mercilessly drew and released another arrow which drove through the chest of the straw-man. She breathed heavily, and replaying it over again in her head she let go of the bow and sank down on her knees in the dirt.

It was all wrong. Children were not supposed to be taken from their parents, and she could have prevented it, had she only known more about the arts of healing. But it was no use. She had never been a healer in Mirkwood, only known what was necessary to prevent an infection or poisoning of a wound in the field. It was all she had ever needed to know, being the captain of the guard.

Living in Erebor… Everything was different. She had not anticipated what her life living in this mountain would be like, for even as she came here pregnant, she had never thought to survive the birth. She had thought she would die and that Kíli would raise their daughter amongst loving family. But she had survived, and was grateful to Illuvatar every day that she had, yet she spent many years getting used to her life here. For several years she had simply raised Kíliel with her husband, keeping a quiet life of happiness and love, but as her daughter grew she had less and less need of a mother's watchful eye, and Tauriel was left to herself. Kíli had returned to the forges and mines, and for the first time in her life Tauriel got to know what it felt like to be bored.

She was not allowed nor did she want to leave the Mountain, and yet within she did not know where she was needed. After a few years she had been approached more and more about her healing skills as an elf. Many of the dwarves knew the story of how she healed Kíli of a deadly poison, and it was not easy to explain to them that it was all she knew, so before she knew it she had joined Óin and his healers. And it was a good thing, for Tauriel liked to feel needed, to have a purpose in the greater picture.

It was her fault.

Éira and Dárin had laid all their hopes on her, and it was her fault that they thought she was talented enough to heal their daughter of a sickness which was a coin-flip between life and death. There was no known cure, and yet she had given them hope where there had been none. She had failed them.

Tauriel held a hand to her face as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, and she heaved heavily for breath. Had she only known more, shown more interest in healing when she lived in Mirkwood… She was positive the elven healers could treat any fever, any she had ever heard of at least, but she was no healer. She should stop lying to herself, just admit that she was not useful to anyone; not even her own daughter.

Something had changed between them. Kíliel did not meet her gaze with the same happiness and carefreeness as she used to, and Tauriel worried. Last she saw her daughter she had ran after the young boy, Thekk. Tauriel did not trust him, and yet Kíliel seemed to have an unusual interest in him. She wanted to talk to her daughter about it, about everything considering romance and love, but she had thought it was too early. Much had changed in the last year, and Tauriel had finally been forced to realise that her daughter was maturing.

She was snapped out of her train of thought by the sound of steps behind her. Tauriel rose quickly to her feet, and turned around. Her eyes went wide and her breathing stopped short before she lowered her gaze again. Before her stood Éira. The dwarrowdam's eyes were puffy and red. Her hands played with the fabric of her tunic as she approached the elf, and yet her expression was determined.

«Why are you here?» Tauriel asked after a moment of silence between the two, still without looking up. She did not have the strength to look at Éira, not after everything that had happened, not with her own guilt burning in her stomach.

«I came to thank you,» Éira said softly. Tauriel's gaze flashed to her in a moment of disbelief. Was the dwarf mocking her? She found no evidence of it in her soft, kind face. Éira had the same motherly love in her eyes that Dís had whenever she looked at Tauriel; a look of love and worry.

«Why would you do that?» Tauriel turned away, and readying her bow she loosened it into the straw-man once more. The sound of the lonely arrow shooting through the air had a sad feel to it. Tauriel felt a tear leave her eye yet again.

«Because you helped us,» Éira answered, and the words were like an arrow to Tauriel's chest, sharp and cold.

«I did nothing,» Tauriel muttered and readied a new arrow. Her hands shook as she tried to steady it against the bow, and aim. Suddenly she felt Éira's hand on her shoulder. She lowered the readied bow and arrow and turned to her.

«You were there, and you did all you could to save my daughter's life. None could have done it better.» Éira smiled kindly as Tauriel turned to her again. «She was frail, and I had anticipated it, after what happened to my second son… Thanks to you we had many more weeks with her than any would have thought.»

When Tauriel first began treating Thári she had just the occasional cough, and the elf had treated what she could before the sickness had buried its roots too deep in the child's chest. If anything Tauriel had postponed the girl's suffering, but that was not how Éira saw it.

«I could not save her,» Tauriel breathed, and looked down again as a new tear released from her eye. She had no right to be crying, not before the mother of the child whom had just been taken from the world. It was disrespectful, and Tauriel was ashamed.

«There was no saving to be done. It was not meant that she would live. She's with Mahal, in his halls, playing with all the other children, free from the sufferings of this world, and I am glad of it.» Éira took Tauriel's hand and held it between hers as she spoke calmly, both a sad and a kind expression playing on her face. «I only regret to put this burden upon my husband, my son and now you.» Her eyebrows pulled together in a worried expression then.

«Please, do not feel any guilt for me, I was only doing what I could to help you, my friend, and your family.» Tauriel smiled fainthearted and let the bow fall from her hand, to put it upon Éira's. The weapon made a hollow sound in the hall as it fell to the dirt floor and laid quiet.

«For all that has happened between our families, I am pleased you can see me as a friend.» Éira replied, relief visible in her eyes. Tauriel nodded with a faint smile on her lips. After a minute Éira continued, her voice a bit less certain: «And I hope our children can find friendship eventually as well, and even love. I know you must resent the arrangement, but if it is any help, it was the way with me and Dárin when we were young, and we found happiness in each other as we grew. The younger the children are the more hope there is for the kindling of love to grow between them, and I hope with all my heart that it will be the way with our children as well, no matter the circumstances.»

«I thought dwarves married for love, and that it is the female's choice,» Tauriel looked at Éira, her lips pressed to a narrow line after she spoke. She let go of her hands as she turned away. Tauriel did resent the whole arrangement, but she would not disrespect her new-found friend by rejecting her good-wishing.

«It is true, in most cases, and even when it's not, we are never forced; the final choice must be ours, or it would be a crime against Mahal,» Éira cocked her head and sighed as she watched Tauriel. The elf felt her shoulders hang heavy as she thought about it all. «But I must admit that I did not only come here to thank you. I also came to ask you something, something which is out of my place to ask, but still I must…,» the dwarrowdam began uncertainly, her gaze at the floor and her hands collected, yet fidgeting with her tunic.

Tauriel turned to her again, her curiosity growing for whatever the dwarf wanted to ask of her. If Tauriel did not know better she would have thought Éira to be nervous, the way she didn't meet her gaze and kept wetting her lips.

«You may ask me anything,» Tauriel simply said, and placed a hand on her shoulder, as Éira had done to her when she was feeling uneasy.

«I was simply wondering…,» Éira tried to begin, but fell silent once more. She cleared her throat and started again: «I wonder why you and Kíli… why have you not conceived any more children?»

Tauriel was taken aback by the personal question, but she could not hold it against Éira, not after her second and third child's death. She ought to have expected it sooner, but Tauriel was not used to such openness of personal matters. It was not the way in Mirkwood.

«Well, first of all elves are only reproductive once every five years, in the period of the first full moon after our birthday. As parents we rarely desire many children, because we want to give as much love and devotion to our children as possible, and are content that way.» Tauriel began, uncertain how much she should explain of the elven way, as it was much different from the dwarvish. Though, as she spoke, Éira looked no less nervous, and Tauriel decided to skip the formalities and tell her the truth: «But the reason we only have Kíliel, and we will not have any other, is because of a herb which prevents it.»

Éira's eyes grew big at hearing this. She looked as though Tauriel had explained why the sun was shining or the birds flying. But it was what she wanted to hear, so Tauriel kept explaining.

«It is a midwife's secret that elven women learn early in their lives; drink a tea of dried Smartweed leaves every night before you go to bed, and you will not conceive when you are intimate with your husband.» Tauriel tried to keep an honest and steady face as she spoke, for Éira looked no less surprised.

«Is it true?» The dwarrowdam spoke in amazement. «I had no idea herbs could do that. But why do you take it? Do you not wish for any more children?» Éira looked at Tauriel with worried eyes, she whom had tried several times to have more children, even if Mahal would not have it that way.

«When I gave birth to Kíliel I was weak, and I did not think I would survive it. I lost my mother when I was merely 15 years old, and I would never do that to Kíliel. Therefore I take the herb, because I do not risk another birth like that. I never want to leave my child as my mother left me.» Tauriel pressed her lips shut and turned away slightly, a tear leaving her eye as she did so. Then she smiled at Éira again, for she was happy with her life as it was, and she did not wish to have it any other way. «My daughter is beautiful, and she and Kíli is all I could hope for in life. That is enough for me.»

«Then I will try the herb, for it is becoming clear that Mahal will not grant us another child strong enough to survive the fever, and I will not put my husband and son through this one more time.» Éira took a strong hold of Tauriel's hand and squeezed it as she smiled up at her. «I admire your strength, Tauriel, and I pray that we remain strong in the hard times to come.»

Tauriel smiled faintly, though wondering exactly what Éira was talking about. She assumed it was about Thekk and Kíliel. She grasped her hand firmly in return, for she realised how much she and Éira could rely on each other, no matter what Illuvatar had in store for them in the future. It was a great relief and a light in the dark when nothing else was certain.


Translation:

Khuzdul: Maiklif naith = Be cursed/cursed girl

(Okay, this is gonna be fast, because I'm seriously sick and moving my hands are only one of the painful activities my body wont allow me to do... My throat feels like its been driven through a shredder and then reattached with burning hot glue, which makes it dificult to eat or drink anything.... anywhooo..)

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This fanfiction is a continuation of "An Unexpected Visit".

Kíliel is the young daughter of the dwarf Kíli and the elf Tauriel. This is the story of how she grows up to become the future queen. There will be a lot of drama, stubborn dwarves, and a love triangle between Kiliel, Kiliel's betrothed Thekk, and the elf Kiliel has always dreamed about; Legolas!


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First - Part 1

Previous - Part 4

Next - coming soon!

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This is the fifth chapter in my "new" fanfiction, and I am finally starting to get closer to the good stuff. Im sorry for the wait, I've been occupied with exams and so much work I havent even drawn anything in a month and I am freaking out... Shortly Ill publish a drawing of inspired by this chapter, the first drawing ive sketched in WEEKS..

A lot of feels, just the way I like it.
Keep in mind that Kiliel is supposed to be around 9 years old and Thekk 11, I hope it comes across. I know, even if Thekk is technically younger than Kiliel he grows quicker than her, so thats weird..

I appreciate all feedback (and wishes of health, SERIOUSLY)! ^^'

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Ideas, Oc's and fic (C) Me and salierifemme91 

Middle earth and all its other's inhabitants (C) Tolkien (and Tauriel is Jackson's, but who cares!)

Please don't use, write or alter in any ways my OC's without asking me first!
© 2015 - 2024 IngvildSchageArt
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